I'm Not Sure You Understand What this Means to Me, What You Do to Me
Posted by Drew | Posted on 7:37 PM
7
i'm willing to prove
that you're the one
i regret to slip away
now i know it was only you
that i've been searching for
been missing all this time
Sorry I havent posted that much. I've been really busy with work. I'm working 6 days a week and when it gets to be my one day off I usually just recuperate and run some errands I need to get done. I can't believe how fast this summer is going. Its already pretty much mid July and I'm done with work in mid August. I'm going to have to get a job at school this year to pay the bills for my apartment but I dont mind. I'm excited to get my own place and be able to cook my own meals and everything.
But anyway, I was going to post in response to what you all wanted to know from the last post, but theres some other things i need to get off my chest first.
So for those of you who don't know, last summer I dated a guy for pretty much the whole summer. We hung out pretty much everyday and did a lot of stuff lol. At the end of the summer though we decided to go separate ways as he works and I was going back to school. When I came home from school for break I would see him and we ended up hooking up a couple times. I can safely say I fell in love with him.
The whole time I always questioned how much he actually cared about me though, and you can read it on this post. But anyway it all came crashing down on my birthday when he came into where I worked with another guy for dinner. He forgot it was my birthday and when reminded he said he thought it was 2 or 3 days before which meant he intentionally didnt do anything.
So flash forward to this past weekend when all the sudden he sends me a text asking if i want to come drink with him in his town. Before this text I hadn't talked to him in nearly a month and was moving on from him and trying to forget him. I couldnt go because I was busy with work, but I had a good text convo with him the whole night. I got the impression that I was just his booty call as he kept telling me how horny he was and how he wanted me to sleep with him that night lol. It was pretty funny for me and I kinda teased him and lead him on a little bit, which I don't feel bad for because he was kind of a jerk to me in the past.
But we've been talking since. I really opened up to him in one convo about how much he hurt me with my birthday and since then he's been genuinely nice to me. It confuses me. I don't know what to think or how to react to it all.
Like today he sent me a text asking if I worked and I said yes and he asked what time saying he wanted to come get food but wanted to make sure I was working so he could see me. I thought it was cute and nice and when he came in tonight he gave me a little hemp bracelet (altho I'll wear it on my ankle) he made while he was bored at work. He told me he was sorry about my birthday and this was my belated gift. He also talked about how we needed to hang out sometime and how he missed me. I kinda melted a little bit, but couldn't show it because the people I work with don't know I'm bi so I couldn't really say too much back.
So I don't know where this will lead. I'm still attracted to him and have a few feelings for him but I dont want to go through what I went through before. I mean sure we could become just friends with benefits but I'm not sure how much I'd like that or if i'd be able to not attach feelings to everything. Part of me wants to just forget him and ignore him, but a majority of me cant.
and so I just repeat everything all over and fall again...