I'm Not Sure You Understand What this Means to Me, What You Do to Me

Posted by Drew | Posted on 7:37 PM

i'm willing to prove
that you're the one
i regret to slip away
now i know it was only you
that i've been searching for
been missing all this time

Sorry I havent posted that much. I've been really busy with work. I'm working 6 days a week and when it gets to be my one day off I usually just recuperate and run some errands I need to get done. I can't believe how fast this summer is going. Its already pretty much mid July and I'm done with work in mid August. I'm going to have to get a job at school this year to pay the bills for my apartment but I dont mind. I'm excited to get my own place and be able to cook my own meals and everything.

But anyway, I was going to post in response to what you all wanted to know from the last post, but theres some other things i need to get off my chest first.

So for those of you who don't know, last summer I dated a guy for pretty much the whole summer. We hung out pretty much everyday and did a lot of stuff lol. At the end of the summer though we decided to go separate ways as he works and I was going back to school. When I came home from school for break I would see him and we ended up hooking up a couple times. I can safely say I fell in love with him.

The whole time I always questioned how much he actually cared about me though, and you can read it on this post. But anyway it all came crashing down on my birthday when he came into where I worked with another guy for dinner. He forgot it was my birthday and when reminded he said he thought it was 2 or 3 days before which meant he intentionally didnt do anything.

So flash forward to this past weekend when all the sudden he sends me a text asking if i want to come drink with him in his town. Before this text I hadn't talked to him in nearly a month and was moving on from him and trying to forget him. I couldnt go because I was busy with work, but I had a good text convo with him the whole night. I got the impression that I was just his booty call as he kept telling me how horny he was and how he wanted me to sleep with him that night lol. It was pretty funny for me and I kinda teased him and lead him on a little bit, which I don't feel bad for because he was kind of a jerk to me in the past.

But we've been talking since. I really opened up to him in one convo about how much he hurt me with my birthday and since then he's been genuinely nice to me. It confuses me. I don't know what to think or how to react to it all.

Like today he sent me a text asking if I worked and I said yes and he asked what time saying he wanted to come get food but wanted to make sure I was working so he could see me. I thought it was cute and nice and when he came in tonight he gave me a little hemp bracelet (altho I'll wear it on my ankle) he made while he was bored at work. He told me he was sorry about my birthday and this was my belated gift. He also talked about how we needed to hang out sometime and how he missed me. I kinda melted a little bit, but couldn't show it because the people I work with don't know I'm bi so I couldn't really say too much back.

So I don't know where this will lead. I'm still attracted to him and have a few feelings for him but I dont want to go through what I went through before. I mean sure we could become just friends with benefits but I'm not sure how much I'd like that or if i'd be able to not attach feelings to everything. Part of me wants to just forget him and ignore him, but a majority of me cant.

and so I just repeat everything all over and fall again...

Comments (7)

Well now he's clearer on how you feel and felt, so he has less excuse for hurting your feelings the way he did.

Clearly, the simplest way forward to avoid complications is to forget and ignore him. It's also potentially the more difficult path to walk, at least in the short-term. :-/

From what I've heard/read, he seemed to have hurt you pretty bad in the past. It's worth remembering the bad and take that into account when remembering the good, in this situation.

In my opinion it seems like what you could do is tell him the truth, that you really want to become friends again with him but remind him that your trust in him was hindered and therefore it would take a while for you to trust him again, if he would like to work it through you could do it together, or you can only stay as friends, that way you´ll know what kind of commitment he really has and where he wants to take things, be blatantly open and ask him what are you looking after? you want a one night thing, a friends with rights or a relationship? so you´ll know what to expect, the most important thing is communication, and that you feel ok with your relationship; don´t take any shit from anyone, you need to talk know where to find me :)

Love you so.
Me

Falling in love all over again eh. :)

It is difficult to be reasonable with feelings, but at least you are now more open to each other, what I can see and hope, good luck.

Well its good that you told him that he hurt you. And the fact that he changed his interaction with you means that he probably felt bad about it. So that's all good.

The bad news is that people that are careless with other people's feelings don't really change quickly. It's just a part of their personality-- they don't mean to do it-- but it just happens. So I would just be cautious of this, and you already seem to know that there is a risk of "repeating" this over and over and experiencing the pain again. But it might be worth the risk-- you clearly have strong feelings. More learned people than me claim that its better to have love and lost than not love at all. So theres prob some truth to that.

Good Luck!

Much Love,
Steve

Hugs